I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
