About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
