On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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