hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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