Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
