omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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