U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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