Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
