Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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