if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
