after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize