I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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