Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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