I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
