I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
