apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize