My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
