drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
