Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
