just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
