Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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