There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
