it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
