Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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