I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
