I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
