At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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