This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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