I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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