I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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