i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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