we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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