I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
