He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
