Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
