Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
