Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
