...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
