I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
