if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize