i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
