I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
