Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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