This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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