sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
