ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
