ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
