At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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