I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
