My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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