walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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