You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
