Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
