Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
