my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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