I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
