fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
