Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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