I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
