You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
