Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
