I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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