Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Did I show you my penis last night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
