Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
