Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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