Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
