No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
