Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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