Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
