More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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