I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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