Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
