I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I puked a lego.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
