Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
