I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
