i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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