I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize