We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
