VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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