Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
