then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
