It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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